Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
