I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
