im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
