That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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