Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
