he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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