He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
