She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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