I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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