oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My pussy is not your playground.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
