The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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