We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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