don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
