You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
