ugly people sure do ruin things
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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