Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
