he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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