I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
