Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
