Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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