I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
