He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize