Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize