I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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