I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
