He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
