If i come over, it means nothing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
