He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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