Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
