fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize