Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he puts the penis in happiness.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
