She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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