I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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