So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
