I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
