he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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