My friends, they love my intelligence
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
