did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
