Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
