dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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