Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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