To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
