Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
