I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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