My brain says no but my pants say off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
