I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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