Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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