I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
