Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
