I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
