With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You're like the curious george of whores
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
