with your own penis?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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