Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
