There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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