Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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