NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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