i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
