I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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