I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
