this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I am mentally ready for anal.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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