he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
