Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
