what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
