So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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